Why I Dropped Out of College ..

Calling all confused High School // College students

I dropped out of college after my first year. Not me, nor my parents, teachers, friends, or even my dogs, expected it. Growing up, school was my strong suit. My short, chubby body at the time wasn’t made for sports. My passions were fruit roll-ups and guitar hero, not basketball.

I put my brother to shame when it came to school. I was in all honors and AP classes in high school, and I knew I would become the first college graduate in my family. My brother dropped out of college halfway into his first year, and I thought – I would never. 

 High school came to an end after what felt like an eternity. And no, they were not, nor were they even CLOSE to, the best four years of my life. It was finally time to move on to the next chapter of my life – College. I packed up all my things, and emotionally moved into my dorm. I majored in exercise science, hoping to learn everything there is to know about health and fitness.

Skepticism, Re-thinking, Second Guessing..

One week before first semester began, I looked at my schedule… Why am I in english, math, religion, and sociology? And why is my sociology class THREE. HOURS. LONG? I tried to shake it off and accept that I had to take these classes to get to the good stuff that had to do with my major.

As the semester slowly progressed, I noticed myself stressing about passing religion more than passing personal wellness. I would spend more time studying classes I had taken my entire life, than classes that had to do with the rest of my life. I understand you have to take your “gen eds” during your first two years, but .. excuse my language – that is bull$h!t… 

To add onto my skepticism, anxiety, and reevaluations, I started to second guess if I even chose the right major. Aside from becoming a personal trainer, I did not have a clue what else I would do with my major (that I WANTED to do.)

My thoughts went something like.. “Copy Bio Lab notes, re-word copied segment from wikipedia, study notes, study more notes.. shit, need to copy someone’s math homework.. Why am I even in math? Why am I in religion? My major is Exercise Science… What am I even going to do with an exercise science major? I don’t want to be a physical therapist. Or an athletic trainer. Or a phys ed teacher. What am I doing with my life?” You can definitely say I started to re-think.. A LOT.

To Graduate, or Drop out.. Decisions, Decisions..

 It was time to sign up for our second semester classes. I was torn between signing up for 20 credits of classes, or dropping out. So, I talked to my dad.

 He picked me up from school for the weekend. I had a lump in my throat, thinking about how I’d let him know. It was a 25 minute ride home, but of course I waited until the minute we pulled into the driveway to say a word. He put the car in park, and right before we got out, I gained the courage to tell him. 

Dad….

“ I gotta tell you something.” 

“What’s up?” 

“I don’t know if I want to be in college anymore.” 

“WHA- I mean, why not? What’s going on?” 

I explained my anxiety ridden train of thoughts with tears welling up out of frustration and fear. 

“This is what you’re going to do. You know I support whatever you do, and I trust you’ll make the right choice. You’re gonna go inside, and talk to your mother” 

“ NO I CANT she’s gonna say no!!” 

“LISTEN. You’re gonna sit down, and start to fake cry. Then she’ll ask what’s wrong. And you over exaggerate how stressed out you are.” 

“I don’t think I need to over exaggerate, I’m pretty stressed”

“Ok so then just over dramatise the tears. Ready? Go!” 

Telling my Mom..

I went inside, ready to cry again, just from my nerves alone. I sat on the couch next to my mom, staring at The Real Housewives of Orange County on the TV, trying to act cool. My anxiety was steadily increasing as I began to pick at my nails, then bite the inside of my lip, then aggressively shake my leg. I took a deep breath before I could say anything. I was constantly hesitating, trying to get the words out. With a shaky voice and scared eyes, I told her. Her reaction completely blew me away. Shockingly, she was okay with it. Don’t get me wrong, it took about 20 minutes of explaining before the worried look on her face wore off. We came to an agreement to finish one full year, and if I still felt the need to drop out (which I knew I would,) then I could.

Long story short, they both supported me, and they both knew wherever I end up, I’ll be okay.

Making my own Choice, Despite Everyone’s Opinion

Before I made the decision for myself, I spent hours everyday watching videos of people who dropped out of college. I stressed every minute of everyday if I was making the right choice. What if I take the risk and “ ruin my life?” There was so much pressure from everyone around me, including myself, to go to college, study, graduate, and get a job. I grew up with parents and teachers explaining the importance of college, so it felt extremely strange to second guess it..

All of highschool was figuring out what to major in. Teacher, I don’t even know what I’m eating for dinner tonight, yet you want me to figure out a career for the rest of my life?? I’m 18, let’s be real. Speaking of high school, I was never quite able to stop thinking about the time one of my teachers said that she was still paying off debt from Penn State… that never settled right with me.

I went to professors for advice on what to do, hoping for an unbiased response, but of course all of them said to “stick it out” and “See how I feel with time” and “You can’t succeed without a degree!” It was definitely a big risk, but I knew it was a risk I needed to take..

Research, Research, Research – Before Making a Rash Decision

I was so sick and tired of feeling like I was just settling – I wanted more out of my life. I wanted to have a sense of control over my future because I felt suffocated in college. Knowing the price we were paying for tuition, I’d think “Figure your shit out Lianna, theres no time and money to waste here, are you in or out?!?!” I was disappointed in myself, because I never in a million years thought I, of all people, would even THINK of dropping out of school. Yet, something in my gut told me it was what needed to happen. I had to drop out.

My final assignment for my english class was a research paper.  My paper was titled .. The Skills Gap: Graduates are Unprepared for the Workforce. I spent about two weeks reading about college graduates who were left jobless for years after graduating. Not to mention, thousands of dollars in debt. I watched tons of videos and documentaries of struggling graduates, and horror stories about all of the loans. This whole paper practically spoke about why the price of college is not worth the degree. (Yes, my professor hated it, and constantly tried to persuade my topic, but it wasn’t happening.) Writing this paper made me so confident in my decision. I was not ready to commit to my unknown lifelong career, and I refused to be thousands of dollars in debt to be unsure.

College Student or College Drop Out, Here is the Takeaway

Practically all of us are thrown into the fire, expected to figure out our lives as soon as we graduate highschool. It’s rare that any of us have a clear idea.  I was so uncertain, and I knew I needed to drop out so I could breathe and think clearly. If I was going to be unsure about my future, I’d at least be unsure while working, making money doing something I’m confident that I love.  Time spent out of work is spent trying new things, working on hobbies, and building knowledge in fields that I’m passionate about- studying what I want, when I want, and how I want.

I took a big risk dropping out of college. I also took a lot of criticism and judgement, but I couldn’t be happier with my decision. The option of going back to school will always be there! I’d rather go back in a couple of years, totally confident in my career choice, than graduate with a degree that I can’t put to use (because I rushed to choose a major, and I let everyone’s opinion pressure me into committing.)

If You are a College Graduate or Enrolled Student…

Now, if you are a college student or graduate, I am not judging you nor would I ever. This post is explaining why I dropped out of college. I do not know your personal story, but this was mine.. We are all different. This blog post is for anyone who may feel the way I did. Or maybe a High school junior or senior who is freaking out about the thought of college, majors, and degrees.

Do not feed into the pressures of everyone around you, and take the time to analyze how YOU feel and what YOU believe in. Pay close attention to your intuition and what you feel in your gut. It is YOUR life, not your parents, teachers, or friends. Do you need a year off? Do you actually need a degree for your career? What career choice would fuel you with excitement?
Ask yourself these questions. Have a back up plan, and do not get lazy. Believe in yourself, trust your gut, and do not forget that life will pan out the way it is supposed to. One day at a time, one sip at a time, you got this!