Live out of Confidence – Becoming Social, Fearless, and Magnetic

Let’s take a trip down memory lane for a minute. Do you remember those days at the beach as a child, flopping around in the sand, running into the ocean, and then repeating? Not a care in the world of sand getting in the wrong places, no fear of public humiliation, only pure child-like confidence? Just a free spirit making a mess and absolutely living for it.. I’m not sure about you, but this was definitely me.

This day in particular, I remember pretending to be a dead fish by the shore of the water. I was rolling around as the waves just barely reached me. After a while of collecting sand in my wedgie, I noticed a young girl looking at me and smiling. Naturally, I played it up to make her laugh just a little bit more. After a few minutes of being a creep, I went up to her and asked, “Hi! Do you want to be friends?” Immediately we were inseparable… and our families were too. For years to follow, we booked our beach trips together, went to concerts together, and grew up together.

Tap Back into Fearless Love

You might be wondering why I’m telling you this random story. This post is going to be all about tapping back into that child-like, fearless, unconditional appreciation for other people. Pushing past fear of judgement and rejection, and spreading love to others. We live in a time where we preach women empowerment, yet we walk around giving each other the side eye, avoiding conversation, pre-judging, and holding back kind words.

When I was a little girl, I went up to anyone and everyone asking if they wanted to be friends. As I grew up, that side of me was repressed and no longer known. From middle school bullying, to high school drama, and all of the toxic relationships in between, the last thing I wanted to do was befriend another female. Instead, I put my walls up, high and thick, so that no one would want to approach me. I put on a front, acting as if I was some unfriendly grouch, knowing deep down I had a heart longing for connection and friendship. I grew to hate this seed of anger, resentment, judgement, jealousy, and insecurity that grew within me… and I deeply missed the social butterfly I once was.

This past year has been a period of growth, development, and reflection. I made the decision to let go of this persona that was not the real me. I made the decision to tap into my femininity, develop true confidence, and find my circle of people to stick with me through life’s trials. We must become empowered women, in order to empower women. A confident woman only wants to lift others! So now, I’d love nothing more than to share this perspective shift with you, so you can free yourself of your past, and step into your true potential.

Where it All Started – The Root of Judgement

What I’ve learned over the past year through experiences, circle of influence, and counseling, is that everything has a root. Every emotion, action, and thought comes from a place much deeper than is on the surface. What you believe to be one thing, is more than likely coming from a deeper root that might need to be cut off. In this instance, the deep rooted insecurity within myself was the cause of my unapproachable, angry persona.

 I always wondered why I walked around full of comparison and envy. Any young girl I saw in public, I immediately thought for her. “She’s probably judging my body, or my hair, or just doesn’t like me for any reason.” It was right in this moment of assumption that I quickly put on my front. I would avoid eye contact while judging and comparing, in the hopes that my rude appearance would intimidate her..

Can you guess how that left me feeling afterward? I’ll give you the answer.. Way worse than before I saw this stranger (who was probably a very nice person). I projected all of my insecurities onto her and I judged myself FOR her, so that anything she (probably wasn’t thinking) I already thought of. That way, she had no power to hurt me.

That’s the thing, I wasn’t acting this way because I was a rude, miserable person. I was acting this way because of all the pain I felt in my younger years. Our brains will do anything to guide us away from pain, even if it takes the dumbest route. My thought process was:

If I judge myself AND her, I’m basically invincible!

That way, if she doesn’t like me, she’ll know I already dislike myself AND her. 

This mental trap left me pretty lonely and incredibly uncomfortable in my own skin for years to follow. I walked around with this burdening weight of social anxiety that I created out of my negative thought process. Not to mention, I closed myself off to so many amazing people due to the repelling energy I gave off. I’m definitely not proud, but I’m grateful to say I’ve overcome this, and I’ve let my walls down. Let me take you on the journey. 

The Road to Social and Self Development 

Covid 2020 gave us quite a long time to focus on the areas we had neglected during the craziness of work and life. Suddenly we found ourselves with so much time we didn’t know what to do with it. I took this time to dive into my self development and do some inner work. I went to books for this. 

Reading is a habit that took me a while to get into, and to this day is something I see as a responsibility rather than something I do when I feel like it. This habit has created a massive change in every area of my life. Confidence being one of them. And confidence is the key to unlocking this trait of loving other people. Ever hear the saying, “Empowered Women, empower women”?

Here are some of the top reads for tackling your destructive thoughts, changing your mindset, and developing the skills required to grow to that next level.

• Think and grow rich (All around self development, law of attraction, mindset)
• The power of positive thinking (Faith, abundance mindset, gratitude)
• How to win friends and influence people (Social skills, leadership development)
• Super attractor (Thoughts, spiritual, self awareness)
• Can’t hurt me (Habits, confidence, overcoming you)
• Captivating (Realizing your value as a woman in God, why women were created)

Picking the Brains of Those I Admire

If it were not for the impactful people I’ve surrounded myself with, I would not be writing this post, because I’d probably still be an insecure hater. Association is everything, and sometimes, spending days alone can be more efficient than immersing yourself in the wrong crowd. The people you spend the most time with will naturally rub off on you. So make sure those that you’re always around, you can grow with, learn from, and emulate.

I made it a habit to pick at the brains of the leaders in my life! The women who attract others to them, and spread love everywhere they go. I made sure to learn how to take on their magnetic characteristics. Through application of their advice, guidance, and belief in me, I finally got a glimpse of the greatness that I hold within myself as a woman.

Realizing WHERE Your Confidence Comes From

This took a while for me, and to this day is something I occasionally have to smack myself into remembering. I know I’m not only speaking for myself here, but have you ever felt less because you compared yourself to someone? Because you feel they’re “better” than you? Or you think they’re prettier? More successful or popular? 

The one and only way to overcome this, and find a love for self that’s unshakeable is to change your perspective. Over the pandemic I went through a crazy identity shift, which made me realize that I am more than just what I look like. I’ve continued to put things into practice to stop putting so much value and worth on my physical appearance. Instead, I began finding my confidence in who I am, and the love I share to others. In today’s world of Tik tok trends, Instagram facades, and photoshop, it’s too easy to fall into the comparison trap and hate yourself for not meeting up to false standards. Physical appearances change, you need to find your worth in something that can never be taken from you.

For more about this topic, I’d read this!

10 Steps to Develop Confidence

(( I challenge you, whoever is reading this, to choose and complete at least 1 of these 10 steps everyday for a month! Tag me on IG, or text me your progress! ))

1. Express gratitude for the aspects about you that you like. Make a list! Remind yourself daily.
2. Associate with people who speak life, belief, support, and love into you. Stay away from people and places that plant doubt and discouragement in you.
3. Help someone / make someone smile. Whether it be through service, giving a compliment, or simply sending a loving message.
4. Read daily (5-10 pages) (and / or) listen to self development podcasts / audiobooks !
5. Develop a faith life. It doesn’t matter what faith, just a source you find hope, love, and strength in. 
6. Follow through on your word and your commitment to yourself (Become accountable, get uncomfortable and drop the excuses!) 
7. Take care of yourself (physically, skin care, drinking water, dress up regardless of the occasion!)
8. Acknowledging when you compare yourself and create awareness around when you feel insecure or judgemental, find the root of this feeling and cut it off (Talking to someone about it, go back to your gratitude list) 
9. Delete / spend less time on tik tok, instagram, facebook (For real though, back profile check? Why?)
10. Listen to your body, spend one on one time with yourself, increase self awareness, spend time in nature alone, enjoy your own company! Take yourself out on a date, you deserve it.

Wear Your Confidence

The most beautiful thing you can ever wear is faith in yourself. It attracts people to you that you never knew you needed. Confidence is magnetic, so wear it often, and hand it over to others. A confident woman does not fear or judge another, because she knows who she is. She knows no one is shaking her tree, because she has rooted herself in nothing but love and faith. There is no interest in tearing down another woman, because she has no need to. Rather, she wants to lift others up, and allow them to experience the freedom, the BLISS, found in self love. She wants to see others shine the way she does. She is light, spreading light.

Compliment the Shoes!

How do you feel when a random stranger comes up to you and gives you a genuine compliment? Pretty damn good, right? You feel noticed, you feel less invisible, you feel appreciated for the time spent getting ready to go out into the world! Now why would you hold that back from someone else? Because your’e afraid? Because you feel your opinion is invaluable? That sounds pretty selfish to me! Get your negative thoughts out of your way. 

I understand, trust me I get it, you see someone wearing the CUTEST shoes, and you dont even consider telling this person because…. What if shes rude? Or she doesnt hear me? What if she laughs at me for existing? 

Allow me to let you in on a secret…. only you are responsible for how you see you. What others have to say, is only a projection of how they see THEMSELVES.. Not you. This person might be dealing with insecurities they have not yet overcome. Send them this blog in response.

If you want to step into the next level of confidence, you need to get out there and do what makes you uncomfortable. The pain of growth is nothing compared to the pain of stagnation and regret! Go out there, and compliment the dang shoes! I can guarantee you that you will feel so much better after you make someone else’s day. And you never know, you might just make a friend that you never knew you needed.