Jealousy in or OUT of a Relationship – Break Through Your Insecurities

Let’s Dissect Jealousy …

Jealousy. It will tear you apart if you allow it. To be jealous, is to lack trust and security in yourself.

I think we can all admit to feeling jealous one time or another. Someone talking to your boyfriend or girlfriend, boom- you shi%t talk this person as if they stole money from. You see someone succeeding and doing something you’ve always wanted – suddenly they’re your worst enemy. Someone starts the same project or job as you, you bash them before getting to know them, and wish failure upon them .. because you feel threatened.

If you’ve experienced anything like this, you’ve experienced jealousy. It’s okay to admit it. While it is very common and typical, it is toxic and destructive. Jealousy does only harm and no good.

Why we feel jealous 

Feelings of jealousy arise out of fear, lack of trust, insecurity, self hate, or envy.

You might see traits in another person that you wish you had. Thus, making you feel threatened that they’re more successful, cooler, funnier, or likable than you are. All of this relates back to lacking confidence and security in yourself. You see someone who is succeeding in a job you want, and you feel anger towards them bc they have something you don’t.

Maybe you’ll see your significant other talking to someone, and fear they’ll leave you or cheat on you with this person. In an effort to make yourself feel better, you’ll call them the most hurtful words you can think of. Suddenly, they’re the ugliest, nastiest, smelliest person to walk the earth.. right? (Been there, done that.)

I’ll be honest..

My gym hired a new female trainer about 2 years ago. She was beautiful, in shape, older, taller… so, me being me at the time, I immediately disliked her because of her appearance. I don’t even think I knew her name yet. She was talking and laughing with my significant other at the time, and I was giving them DAGGERS.

I called my roommates after meeting her to vent about the whole situation. And for the rest of the day, I was all depressed and insecure.

I never gave myself the chance to get to know her. I wish I did, because we are actually great friends now, and I consider her to be someone very special in my life. We go on coffee dates, talk about life, text all the time. She’s an awesome person who has impacted my life greatly. We always say how silly it was of me to feel envious of her when she started working with me and we can’t do anything but laugh about it.

We feel we have to tear someone else down to feel better about ourselves. So we try to find anything wrong with them to know that they’re not “better” than us. We think there’s some competition of who’s the best looking, the funniest, the most in shape.. We feel threatened, so in attempts to make ourselves feel better, we call them names, and say these horrible things about them.

What Jealousy Does to You 

Jealousy will ONLY bring you down. It will fuel you with anger, self doubt, self hate, and maybe even depression. I know whenever I felt/feel jealous of someone, I would spiral into an abyss of “how I’m not good enough” thoughts, and I’ll allow it to ruin my entire day.

Jealousy can ruin relationships, start extremely unnecessary fights, and push people further away from you. Let’s be real.. ITS ANNOYING! And it will only make your partner feel as if you don’t trust them. Trust is #1 when it comes to relationships!

Just as I experienced in the story about my new employee, jealousy will also strip you of the chance to make the greatest of friends. You lose any opportunity to meet extremely influential and inspiring people. You immediately hold yourself back from connecting with amazing people. Don’t do that to yourself! Give them a chance!

Jealousy will only make you look bad. Who wants to be friends with someone who sh%t talks anyone that comes their way? You make it clear that you lack security in yourself the second you start talking badly about someone you do not know. Honestly, it just looks lame. It IS lame.

How to Overcome Jealousy 

First, have the humility to admit and address your feelings of jealousy and get to the root of them. Why do you feel jealous? Is it their looks? Their personality? Success? They’re talking to your significant other? Once you can figure that out, then you can work on releasing your jealousy.

Practice self love and security

Observe that you are your own person and for that, you are wonderful in your own way. You are YOU, and as hard as you try, you will never be the person you envy. You will never be anyone else – sure you can be LIKE them, but why not be you? Your own unique self? OWN who you are, be proud of who you are, and love YOURSELF.

Stay in your own lane 

Focus more intensely on your appearance, your goals, and your successes. Get your nose out of everyone else’s life and what they’re up to. Comparison is the thief of all joy. Stop letting your insecurities and jealous habits get in the way of you and your goals. It’s one thing to observe someone else’s life, and use it as inspiration. Acknowledge this persons good traits and use them as motivation to reach your ultimate potential. However, it’s another thing to allow it to bring your energy down and make you feel less worthy.

Trust Issues

Through trauma or childhood, many of us may deal with trust issues. They are difficult to get through. But once you can recover from past traumas or past relationships, it will be much easier to trust again. Talk to therapists, people you DO trust, your partner, and take the steps to trust again. It will not be easy, and it will take time. You have to want to get over these issues.

Get comfortable with being alone 

If your partner purposely makes you jealous, or makes it difficult to trust them, leave the toxic relationship behind you. Do not remain in a relationship that tears you down as a person because you fear being alone. This ties in with self respect, love, and worth. If you feel secure and confident in YOURSELF, you will not NEED someone to make you comfortable in your life. You can thrive independently.

J E A L O U S Y

Whether you’re in a relationship or not, chances are, you’ve felt jealous before. Whether it be a job, a person, physical appearance, money, skills, the list goes on. Before you tear someone down for no reason, take a look inward. Figure out why you’re feeling this way. Come up with a plan to better YOURSELF and focus on YOUR life so that you don’t have the time or feel the need to shi%t talk strangers. It might not seem like it’s effecting your life, but it is extremely toxic for you.

The moment you feel secure in your body and your mind, you will not see any reason to feel jealous of anyone anymore. Work on you, anything you’re unhappy with in your life. Do what you can to fall in love with it. Jealousy is ONLY a reflection of YOUR insecurities. Feel secure in yourself, and you will not degrade yourself anymore.