We all face at least one breakup in our lives. They inevitably suck, as what was once routine with your partner suddenly all changes. Whether you dated for 5 months or 5 years, breakups are tough at first.
I’ve had my fair share of breakups. With each one,, I never quite learned what I should have. It took me a few tries to grasp the essential ‘post-breakup lessons.’
They say, “Lessons will be repeated until they are learned.” And I can assure you, “they” are 100% correct. Time and time again, I repeated the same mistakes. Eventually it crept up to me and hit me hard.
Instead of learning what I should have, I was quick to search for new love. I looked for someone as a means to distract myself from the emptiness I felt after each breakup. It wasn’t up until a few months ago that everything I should’ve learned, clicked. And it would be selfish of me not to share everything I wish I learned the first time.
Get yourself a coffee and listen up. Some of us REALLY need to hear this. (Or, read this… You get the point.)
Allow Yourself Time to Heal
After a breakup, your emotions are going to be all over the place. Whether or not the breakup was mutual, civilized, bitter, painful, etc; your emotions are going to go haywire. You’re going to feel pain, insecurity, loneliness, sadness, and change.
Whatever the case may be for your situation, it is essential that you allow yourself the time it takes to come to terms with losing your partner. It’s easy to flirt back when people call you hot. It’s easy to shout ‘Yes!’ when they ask you out. But you have to be real with yourself. Understand that it’s not the time for hookups or dating. It’s the time for healing and finding joy without someone else’s attention.
Feel the Pain
The emptiness and insecurity you feel post-breakup hurts. In attempts to avoid the heartbreak, you give into random hookups to divert your emotions. You’re not FEELING your true emotions. Instead, your disregarding the pain you might be experiencing. And sooner or later, it will creep up and bite you in the ass 10x harder. Trust me.
To ‘feel your feelings’ is to let your emotions come and go. Do not try to control them or force them, just allow them to pass. It’s going to take some time, so remain patient and keep taking it day by day. Spend time alone, listen to music, spend time with your friends, journal, clear your mind, cry, let it out, do whatever you have to do!
You might meet someone immediately after, and believe you “really like them!” Trust me, it’s not the person that you like. It’s the attention, the distraction, and the comfort that you “really like.”
Until you feel content, accept the breakup, and no longer hurt over it, it is best for your emotional health to avoid entertaining flirts and dates.
You’re bored and alone, I get it, I’ve been there- it will pass. Allow yourself the time it takes to recover and feel all of your emotions. You will only grow from this, and become stronger, happier, and emotionally stable.
Focus on YOU- Your Friendships, Your Family, Your Goals
Post-Breakup is the time to experience the happiest moments on your own, and with your friends/ family. Surround yourself with fulfilling and uplifting friendships that help you out of that depression, and remind you of the amazing person you might’ve forgot you are.
Focus on YOU, and all of the people, places, and things that make YOU HAPPY. Your passions, hobbies, and goals. Don’t go searching for the next person, using someone as a rebound to avoid your pain. Instead, search for people who will make you better, happier, encouraged. People who support you, empower you, inspire and motivate you. These are the people to have in your life at all times!
Dive deeply into the things you enjoy. Work on yourself day in and day out, and have fun doing it. You might be upset you dont have someone to text all day and call at night. And that’s okay, that’s NORMAL. Look at it as a chance to fill your life with experiences or hobbies that you might’ve put to the side, or forgot about during your relationship.
Enjoy life Without Attention from Another Guy/Woman
I know.. – Attention feels good, it gives you confidence, and it’s just the best darn thing in the world next to chocolate.
But have you ever thought about becoming so confident and happy in yourself, that you don’t have to crave attention?
Post-breakup can lead to insecurity. It is essential to start building genuine self love. It’s one thing for a man or woman to love you. But to truly and fully love yourself, is a whole different feeling.
Use this time of healing and single-ness to practice self love, appreciation, gratitude, and confidence. Find happiness in your life WITHOUT attention from other people. This way, you won’t ever need validation to feel confident.
The POWER you will exude through confidence and self love is indescribable. Once you no longer crave attention from other people, you will be unstoppable. You will know in your heart who you’ve grown to become, and you’ll be proud as hell.
Become independent and free yourself of the need for Anyone else
No one is going to give self love or happiness to you. You have to find it, exercise it, and feel it on your own. Build your independence and strength, so nothing can break you down, and you know you will ALWAYS be okay on your own. Relationship or not, you’ll be just as happy. Find joy in time spent alone, and happiness in your own company
Rediscover Yourself Without a Partner
Before, during, and after your relationship, you were a different person. You learned new things about yourself during your relationship. And after experiencing the change, the pain, and the healing of your breakup, you will again be a different person, with new lessons.
Find the person you are, become aware of the potential within you, and love every bit of it. Discover new things about yourself -your joys, the little things that make you happy. This time of your life should be dedicated to you only. Use it wisely.
Do NOT become Petty OR Spiteful
This is just a given. No matter how badly the relationship might’ve ended, don’t lower your energy to get back at your ex. It’s super immature, a huge waste of time, and it will only slow your process of healing and growing.
Don’t entertain toxicity, childish arguments, and stupid drama. You’re bigger than that, stop giving into it.
It’s Going to Hurt, but it’s Going to be Okay
Like I said, breakups suck. They just hurt- plain and simple. I always thought my world was over. I thought the tears and sleepless nights would never end. But it passes, and life goes on- I promise. You will be happy again, if not happier.
Its going to hurt in the moment, and maybe a few weeks or months after as well.
Things really do get better, and you will be so grateful that you didnt lose yourself over a relationship. You have to accept and allow happiness into your life. Do not close yourself off to new experiences, places, friendships, and opportunities – just because you’re hurt.
You just have to keep reminding yourself that maybe they just weren’t the right person for you. You have to accept that the relationship is over for now. There is always the chance you will rekindle in the future, but you cant wait forever.
You have to keep living your life and moving forward.
Let the relationship come to you. Do not force it, do not hold on to it if its done. Do not try to control what is out of your control.
Let the pain come and go. Find happiness on your own, living your life the way you want, doing what you love.